O ye'll tak' the high road, and oil tak' the low road

.. And oil be in Scotlan' afore ye*

 I HAVE spent two winters in the Scottish Borders without central heating. Yes, it was tough but my working class roots got me through it although most of our visitors rarely stayed more than a couple of days before heading off to their centrally heated homes.
 People still think I'm pulling their leg when talking of the brick outhouse in the back yard, the pottie under the bed, snapping off icicles INSIDE the bedroom window and huddling around a coal fire ... but I digress.
 Since hubby spent much of his time in his restaurant in London he too had no idea what it was like to live day in, day out without the turn on, turn off warmth given by the flick of a switch.
 He finally swung into action when I said I wanted to go green and get a bio-mass boiler - but after being presented with an estimate of £40k he-who-should-be-obeyed-but-rarely-is suddenly morphed into Action Man. Not only did he restore the old boiler but he installed underfloor heating in most of the house and after shivering through two winters I suddenly had warmth from a source of heat many of us take for granted.

HIGHWAY TO HELL? Oil company claimed the trees 

presented a health & safety hazard

 However, all of that was threatened at the beginning of October when I started ringing around for some oil when prices were quite low. After doing a deal with a firm in Middlesbrough I waited and waited for the oil delivery as the tank was running low and there was no way I wanted to go through a third winter without heat.
 On the day the tanker should have arrived I was away but since putting oil into a tank isn't rocket science I thought the delivery driver would've just done what he was paid to do. After a few days I checked the level of the oil tank and realised the oil had not been delivered.
 I then called the oil company and was told the driver had been unable to access the drive. Realising he'd tried the back entrance (think Chieftain tank or Humvee for access) I called back and pointed this out wondering outloud why the silly man hadn't just called my mobile and then I could've pointed out there was a main entrance. The fact that the company sat on my fuel payment for more than a week without alerting me is disconcerting in itself.
 Assured the oil would be delivered I left it for another couple of days - bearing in mind a payment for 1000 litres of oil had already been made - and then a week passed. I noticed the oil tank was running dangerously low and so I called the oil company again. This time a man there assured me he would sort it out and get back - within minutes he was back on the phone quoting Health & Safety at me and saying the driver could not risk getting through.
 I pointed out the driver was a fool and that there are two entrances but this man was having none of it and so I asked to be reimbursed ... that process is taking nearly as long as well. It seems this company, which I will name and shame in my next blog if the money is still outstanding, can't deliver anything judging from my own experience!

FUSS, WHAT FUSS: Unsung hero Graham

is a man who delivers

 So I then began the process of calling around alternative oil companies only to discover that most of them used the same distribution service where the same driver worked. In short my address was being blacklisted as undeliverable unless I cut back on my trees.
 In recent weeks, because we are in the middle of renovations, I've had all manner of articulated lorries, trucks, delivery vehicles beating a path to my door without so much as a complaint ... other than being ambushed by the geese and turkeys.
 After paying considerably more for the oil now that winter is round the corner, I found a company in London called Speedy Fuels which pledged to deliver and they too called me back saying the distribution company they used pointed out access down by driveway is impossible. I told her the tale I've just told you and the very tenacious Jade promised she would get me my oil.

OIL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL: Graham

packs up his gear after successful delivery

FIRST CLASS SERVICE: A big
high five to Highland Fuels

 A woman of her word, yesterday a man called Graham from Highland Fuels came to deliver the 1000 litres of oil. He was given a welcome probably more fitting for the timely arrival of The Cavalry had they rocked up during the Battle of the Little Bighorn to help out Custer and his depleted 7th regiment. Anyway you get the picture, suffice to say Graham was overwhelmed by fuss and when I told him the story he merely shrugged his shoulders and said coming through the driveway was "No big deal."
 Now I have oil and all I can say to the weather is: "Bring it on."

* The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond is a well known traditional Scottish song, usually played after a night of revelry, and was first sung in 1841. Here's a rendition. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjZBlgylqFw